What is Independence??

I have been in college now for six months and honestly, I still feel out of place here. I wish I could just go back to high school and be a teenager (because eigh-TEEN still is such...) and not have to be an adult. Is that too much to ask? Being an adult means taking care of myself, being responsible, being independent. But seriously, what is independence? What does the word independent even mean?
Let's see...

in·de·pend·ent
  [in-di-pen-duhnt]

1. not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting
for oneself: an independent thinker.

2. not relying on another or others for aid or support.


Out of all the definitions of "independent", these stuck out most to me. I reached a point a couple of years ago when I began to not quite agree with all of the opinions of my parents and mentors, and I realize now that that is when I started on my path to independence. I had relied on those loved ones for years to feed me with ideas, to teach me, to educate me, but I knew it was time to choose for myself what I wanted to believe and how I wanted to act. My parents had been the ones who taught me to read, what to read, when and where to go to church, what to eat, how to dress. Almost every aspect of my life up to a certain point had been influenced by them. But a time came of transitions away from their nurturing shelter to a world of discovery. Though I've kept those values they taught me as a part of my life, I now consciously choose for myself to go to church, read good books, and to dress appropriately, rather than following blindly behind my elders.

Probably the biggest thing I found this past year (or 6 months) was not friendship or fun or adventure, but was my sense of self and thereby, my independence. I also realized what independence truly is. I learned that independence is a continual growth process and is more than just moving out of the house and knowing when to eat and how to tie your own shoes. Sure my parents still pay for my housing and my education, and (hopefully ;) will continue to do so for a couple years, but that doesn't mean I can't take care of my own basic needs and the putting to use of that education my parents are providing.

In coming to college, my plan was to gain an education. Simple enough, find something you won't get bored of for the next 4 years and don't fail! But I'm realizing it's so much more than that. An education isn't found in a diploma or in books, but in learning when to yell at your roommate for making a mess (and more importantly, when not to do so), and in realizing you have less than $20 to last till the end of the month, and in feeling alone without your family, but realizing how to create a new one wherever you go.

I'm making my own definition of independence as I choose to cling to my loved ones and lean on them for support and as I realize that we will always need to lift others up. I may never be completely independent of the aid or opinions of others, but I've got to say, I don't mind. :)

-Amy